fixes, typos

_posts/2019-04-19-caught-in-between.markdown

@@ -4,7 +4,7 @@ title: Caught in Between
 date: 2019-04-19
 ---
 
-I wrote this poem over some lunch breaks at my first internship. This was after my last suicide attempt, being homeless, nearly killing two kids, and the cusp of my independence.
+I wrote this poem over some lunch breaks at my first internship. This was after my last suicide attempt, being homeless, nearly killing two kids, and the cusp of my freedom from a chaotic home life.
 
 ---
 

_posts/2020-04-11-more-than-words-can-say.markdown

@@ -8,4 +8,4 @@ You can see an example of dimensionality in physical existence as percieved by o
 
 It's false in a binary, terary, or n-ary statement. With the finite amount of perception we have via senses or sensors, measuring a situation in dimensions will inevitably confine it's reality to those dimensions. The measurement is inherently tinged by the measurer. Does it mean they're all the same One thing? No. Does that mean they're disconnected? No. Does that mean that every new thing is built on existing things? Mostly, but again not always. The real Truth is too dimensional for truth as captured by words, pictures, thoughts, or concepts. You must experience beyond these limiting concepts. ["'Empty' should not be asserted.'Nonempty' should not be asserted. Neither both nor neither should be asserted. They are only used [for the purpose of communication]."](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C5%ABlamadhyamakak%C4%81rik%C4%81#22:11) That which can't be typed into 160 characters, will get saved for long-form discussion. That which cannot be spoken of will be passed over in silence, ax or not. That which cannot be spoken of must be experienced.
 
-It's a sad fact that some sayings can't be understood until experienced. We've all made seemingly large mistakes in our teens and twenties, and we usually think our past selves wouldn't listen to our current selves' advice. Does this make the advice less worth saying? Although I see the truth in "he who speaks does not know, he who knows does not speak." [Tao Te Ching - Chapter 56](http://www.with.org/tao_te_ching_en.pdf), it seems like it's worth trying to give just the right amount of description to lay out the map but with enough freedom left to explore the [territory](https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Mistaking_the_map_for_the_territory). It may be doomed the minute you use words to capture something unconveyable by words. Then again, the payoffs might be mutually satisfying. At worst, you can say you tried, laugh at the probable miscommunication, and find peace in the effort.
+It's a sad fact that some sayings can't be understood until experienced. We've all made seemingly large mistakes in our teens and twenties, and we usually think our past selves wouldn't listen to our current selves' advice. Does this make the advice less worth saying? Although I see some truth in "he who speaks does not know, he who knows does not speak." [Tao Te Ching - Chapter 56](http://www.with.org/tao_te_ching_en.pdf), it seems like it's worth trying to give just the right amount of description to lay out the map but with enough freedom left to explore the [territory](https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Mistaking_the_map_for_the_territory). It may be doomed the minute you use words to capture something unconveyable by words. Then again, the payoffs might be mutually satisfying. At worst, you can say you tried, laugh at the probable miscommunication, and find fulfillment in the effort.

_posts/2020-08-28-deep-vein-transformation.markdown

@@ -4,10 +4,10 @@ Tl;Dr:
 - Blood clots can be fatal in seconds.
 - A clot is always at risk to move, and it moving to your lungs can kill you in seconds or leave you with permanent damage.
 - Caused by long periods of sitting (flights, drives, bedridden).
-- Symptoms are warmth, 
-- Highest risk in legs. 
+- Symptoms are warmth, pain that feels like a muscle cramp, and 
+- Highest risk in legs. Most likely to occur *a few weeks after a long period of sitting*.
 - Wear 20-30mmHg compression socks during long flights or drives.
-- 
+- Pregnant women are at risk
 
 Blood clots are extremely serious. They occur most commonly in legs, although they can happen in your arms too. The most common danger is a clot moving into your lungs, which is called a pulmonary embolism (PE). The closer a clot is to your lungs, the more serious the clot is. *Pulmonary embolism can take your life in seconds!* Less commonly, clots can move to your brain or heart and cause a stroke or heart attack. Some of the gnarlier organ damage cause by COVID-19 is due to blood clots. The warning signs are swelling, warmth, and pain at the clot. *Some clots can show no symptoms!!* 
 
@@ -19,4 +19,4 @@ For treatment, I got put on an anticoagulant called Xarelto. Anticoagulants slow
 
 To help with the pain, I wear compression socks during the day. They are socks that gradually loosen as they go up your feet. This helps keep blood from pooling in your feet and ankles. 
 
-Although it was painful, I try to never waste a crisis. On viewing my mortality, the ultimate truth (emptiness/God) and mundane truth (the present reality) are inseparable. Nirvana is not in a smidgen separate from samsara. This reality is both a dissatisfactory trap and blissful liberation, entirely dependent on the viewer. With the right view, we can swallow suffering, use it to fuel our drive to reduce suffering. This will nourish our soul until our lease on life expires. I was given a hell of a birthday present.
+Although it was painful, I try to never waste a crisis. On viewing my mortality, the ultimate truth (emptiness/God) and mundane truth (the present reality) are inseparable. Nirvana is not in a smidgen separate from samsara, heaven cannot exist without hell. This reality is both a dissatisfactory trap and blissful liberation, entirely dependent on the viewer. With the right view, we can swallow suffering, use it to fuel our drive to reduce suffering. This will nourish our soul until our lease on life expires. I was given a hell of a birthday present.

_posts/2021-08-20-between-nihilism-and-meaning.markdown

@@ -1,4 +1,3 @@
-<<<<<<< HEAD
 Life has no inherent meaning. Several religions accept and extend this fact. Nihilism is low hanging fruit. It is an extreme, and extremes are easy to believe. Balance takes practice. Existentialism is our perception's imposed meaning on the meaninglessness of life. Emptiness is both an undoing of this perception, and, to me, a reinforcement of it in a subtle, almost fractal way.
 
 ![pic](https://i.imgur.com/uKTFvEt.jpeg)
@@ -11,19 +10,4 @@ So when did we evolve a need for a purpose? What is it that needs a purpose? Wha
 
 The siren song of nihilism and thoughts of death called to me in the form of [Radiohead](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8aSFj6zdx0). I fell into a depressive slump for a few days. I wasn't meditating as often, wasn't exercising like I used to, and wasn't eating too clean. I wasn't sure what the point of practicing was. The largest contributors to my depression are [a belief in a bleak future](https://uklineale.github.io/2020/04/24/mental-orders.html), [a lack of self-love](https://uklineale.github.io/2020/10/29/fabrication.html), and nihilism. I was on the verge of defanging the last root of my depression. Perhaps my mind knew this and tried to suck me into the sullen spiral one last time.
 
-I was in the dark night of the soul, a common feature of multiple meditative practices. [Eckhart Tolle](https://eckharttolle.com/eckhart-on-the-dark-night-of-the-soul/) helped me draw a crucial bridge that keeps both the meaninglessness of the world and a higher purpose. What seemed like [opposites were not with a transcendent viewpoint](https://everything2.com/title/Ganto%2527s+Axe). Now, I can't view nihilism the same way. The concept of no inherent meaning makes my skin tingle with freedom. It feels limitless. I feel with practice this groundless, untethered "meaning" can be the only way I can feel when depressed. Only time and discipline will tell.
-=======
-Life has no inherent meaning. Several religions accept and extend this fact. Nihilism is low hanging fruit. It is an extreme, and extremes are easy to believe. Balance takes practice. Existentialism is our perception's imposed meaning on the meaninglessness of life. Emptiness is both an undoing of this perception, and, to me, a reinforcement of it in a subtle, almost fractal way.
-
-![pic](https://i.imgur.com/uKTFvEt.jpeg)
-
-Not only is there no higher purpose, but there isn't even a someone to have meaning in the first place. If this sounds bleak, don't worry: there's a beautiful freedom to it with the right perspective. Its only bleak from a person's perspective. It is not bleak from the perspective of wheat. The smartest thing wheat did for its entire species was be tasty to humans. It gets to feel the cool summer nights, the light of a silver moon, bathe in an afternoon thunderstorm, and wave in the wind. Life exists to live.
-
-Life didn't evolve for a purpose. It bootstrapped itself off of trace chemicals for shits and giggles. Innumerable generations of single-celled organisms existed to eat, breed, and get eaten. Each living creature was made to exist temporarily, keeping vital organs and organelles in order for a bit. 
-
-So when did we evolve a need for a purpose? What is it that needs a purpose? What is it thats observing all this? A Buddhist idea for this is the five aggregates. According to this theory, each person is an amalgamation of the physical body, feelings, perceptions, thoughts, and consciousness. Consciousness is the observer. Where is meaning supposed to live? 
-
-The siren song of nihilism and thoughts of death called to me in the form of [Radiohead](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8aSFj6zdx0). I fell into a depressive slump for a few days. I wasn't meditating as often, wasn't exercising like I used to, and wasn't eating too clean. I wasn't sure what the point of practicing was. The largest contributors to my depression are [a belief in a bleak future](https://uklineale.github.io/2020/04/24/mental-orders.html), [a lack of self-love](https://uklineale.github.io/2020/10/29/fabrication.html), and nihilism. I was on the verge of defanging the last root of my depression. Perhaps my mind knew this and tried to suck me into the sullen spiral one last time.
-
-I was in the dark night of the soul, a common feature of multiple meditative practices. [Eckhart Tolle](https://eckharttolle.com/eckhart-on-the-dark-night-of-the-soul/) helped me draw a crucial bridge that keeps both the meaninglessness of the world and a higher purpose. What seemed like [opposites were not with a transcendent viewpoint](https://everything2.com/title/Ganto%2527s+Axe). Now, I can't view nihilism the same way. The concept of no inherent meaning makes my skin tingle with freedom. It feels limitless. I feel with practice this groundless, untethered "meaning" can be the only way I can feel when depressed. Will this last? Only time will tell, then dispel.
->>>>>>> b3f27586411999173e8b276886cc85f87c70fb85
+I was in the dark night of the soul, a common feature of multiple meditative practices. [Eckhart Tolle](https://eckharttolle.com/eckhart-on-the-dark-night-of-the-soul/) helped me draw a crucial bridge that keeps both the meaninglessness of the world and a higher purpose. What seemed like [opposites were not with a transcendent viewpoint](https://everything2.com/title/Ganto%2527s+Axe). Now, I can't view nihilism the same way. The concept of no inherent meaning makes my skin tingle with freedom. It feels limitless. I feel with practice this groundless, untethered "meaning" can be the only way I can feel when depressed. Will this last? Only time will tell, then dispel.